Secretly More Page 4

  “I didn’t just remember the lesson. It’s that I never really want to let go.”

  Kimber’s brain numbed at his words, which she couldn’t be sure she truly understood.

  “You know,” he continued, his voice low, “I’m really trying to resist the urge to kiss you right now.”

  She laughed, trying to break the unusual, awkward atmosphere falling over what she’d thought was a friendly embrace. “Right. Because I’m so irresistible today, crying all over you.”

  “I want you all over me.”

  Too stunned to reply, Kimber froze as Jay lowered his head and kissed her softly but firmly. He caught her upper lip between his and gave it a gentle tug, warmth creeping through her despite the warning bells in her head. She closed her eyes as he kissed her again, this time with a little more urgency, a little more need. That small escalation shocked Kimber back into her senses and she turned her head, giving him her cheek. “Jay, no. We can’t.”

  “Yes, we can.” His lips found her exposed neck and his kisses grew desperate as they traveled lower to meet her collarbone.

  “No, this isn’t right.” She wriggled in his arms, trying to shake off his grip and his mouth’s lingering spell. “We’re friends. We don’t do this sort of thing.”

  “Clearly we do.”

  “No, we don’t.” Kimber pushed away from him and stepped backward until she bumped into a tree trunk. She pressed her fingertips to her still-tingling mouth like a shield. “We can’t. This-us-it wouldn’t be right.”

  Jay’s jaw tightened as he pressed his lips together and looked away, glancing toward the way they had come like a man steeling himself to walk over hot coals. After a long pause, he said, “I should get you home.”

  Kimber’s throat constricted as a sharp pang of regret punctured her heart, and she shuffled beside Jay in silence as they made their way back to the car. Her fear intensified with every step, robbing her of the ability to even begin to know how to repair the damage. It was impossible to concentrate on anything but how she’d just ruined one of the most important friendships she ever had.

  They returned to the Monte Carlo, and Jay started the car and immediately switched on the radio, filling the awkward lack of conversation. The action wounded Kimber further; she dreaded talking about what just happened but was terrified what would happen if it wasn’t addressed. Clearly, Jay was not about to bring up the topic. She watched him on the ride home from the corner of her eye, noticing his blank, unreadable expression and how he drove the car like he was going to be graded on his efforts. An outsider wouldn’t even bat an eye at his behavior. Kimber knew better. She licked her dry lips and looked out the window, wondering if she would ever see him again. It was a histrionic thought, but what else was she supposed to think at this point?

  Jay pulled up in front of Kimber’s apartment building and let the car idle, both hands still on the wheel as he looked in the rearview mirror. “All right, see you around.”

  Kimber felt ready to crack in half and curled her fingers into fists. “Jay, will you look at me?”

  He turned to her, his face stoic and impossible to interpret. He said nothing.

  “I’m sorry about what happened back there.” She swallowed hard. “I don’t want it to ever be weird between us. You’re my best friend in the world and I hate the thought of ever losing you. I care about you so much.”

  Jay broke eye contact again, his gaze returning to the rearview as he scratched his shoulder. “I know.”

  Another silence fell between them, making Kimber want to scream. “Well, what’s going to happen now? Has everything changed? Are we not friends anymore?”

  After several excruciating moments, he finally said, “No. We’re still friends.”

  “Okay. Good.” Kimber noticed that he still refused to look at her but she had run out of things to say. She sensed he wasn’t saying what he wanted to, but she didn’t have enough proof to demand honesty, especially when she wasn’t sure she wanted him to be too honest. She hooked her fingers in the door handle. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

  “Yep.” He nodded as she climbed out of the car. “Later.”

  Kimber watched him drive away, feeling like a wrecking ball had slammed into her chest. It was the first time they’d parted in years without a hug goodbye.

  * * *

  “I’ve figured out what your problem is,” Ferney announced the next day when Kimber slid into the passenger seat of her sister’s Subaru Legacy.

  “Great, I can’t wait to hear what it is.” Kimber raked a hand through her unwashed hair and adjusted the giant Jackie O sunglasses on her face, suddenly feeling self-conscious. A few minutes ago, rolling out of bed without showering had seemed like a great idea after a night of crying with little sleep. Now, next to Ferney, who looked fresh and classy to suit her titling and abstracting job for the gas company, she wished she didn’t look as horrible as she felt. Attempting to look like a normal person who bathed and wore clean clothes probably would’ve gone a long way to feeling at least an ounce better.

  Ferney peeled away from Kimber’s apartment complex, narrowly missing taking out a row of mailboxes without batting an eye. “The last person you slept with spent six years not worshipping you like you deserve. This can be attributed to the fact that prior to him, your experience with men was so limited you never learned how to assert your needs in the bedroom.”

  Kimber grunted in response, half listening and half wondering if she could fall asleep behind her sunglasses without her sister noticing.

  “So what I propose is you gain some sexual confidence. Then you’ll learn to be more demanding of the men you wind up with and never have to settle again.”

  “And how do you propose I do that? Go out and screw a bunch of guys?” Kimber’s patience frayed; the last thing she needed was her sister in her ear, insisting on her promiscuity.

  “Not a bunch, just a few who know what they’re doing. But first, you need to know what you’re doing. That’s why we’re going to get you a special present today.”

  “A special present, huh? Is it loaded?”

  “Ha ha.” Ferney glided the car to a stop, the gravel parking lot crunching beneath the tires. “Well, here we are.”

  Here turned out to be Amour, the sex shop down the pike from Kimber’s apartment complex. Kimber stifled her frustration as Ferney turned off the ignition. “You’re supposed to be taking me to pick up my car from the garage.”

  “And I will. But first, I’m treating you to a vibrator.” Ferney alighted from the car like the Duchess of York and arrived at the passenger door. “Considering that useless Dane probably never pleasured a woman in his life, I think you’ll be a lot happier once you start having effortless orgasms and realize what you’ve been missing. Trust me, I know these things. I used to do those passion parties so I’m an expert. You’re lucky to have me.”

  Kimber groaned as Ferney tugged her from the vehicle by her wrist. “Wouldn’t I be luckier if you weren’t telling me I need a sex toy?”

  “I can’t believe I have to even tell you. It’s common knowledge that every girl needs to own a vibrator.”

  “I never needed one before.”

  “Yes, you did. You just didn’t know it.”

  “Look, my sex life with Dane was never the issue, okay?” Kimber eyed the building’s bay window with the lace curtains and the cardboard cut-outs of busty blondes in cop and pirate wench costumes. “It was probably the one thing we didn’t have a problem with. It was fine. We had fun.”

  “Impossible. Just listen to the boring way you describe it.” She shot Kimber a pointed look. “Can you look me in the eye and tell me Dane fulfilled all your sexual needs, every single time, without fail? He always got you off?”

  Kimber tried to ignore the hot flush that bloomed in her cheeks. “I think we’ve become a little too comfortable with each other. You care too much about what’s happening in my crotch. It’s time we start drawing some boundaries.”

&nbs
p; “We’ll draw them later. Answer the question.”

  “Well, no…” Kimber nipped her lower lip, doubt regarding her orgasms creeping into her. Could they really be called orgasms? The answer probably lay in her having to even wonder. “But so what? Are you telling me that Paul always makes you scream and moan without fail?”

  Ferney yanked open the sex shop’s door. “Yep.”

  “You lie.” Kimber followed her sister, who led them through the racks of diaphanous lingerie and vinyl skirts to the back room with the saloon-style half-doors and the sign overhead reading No one under 18 permitted.

  “I would never. What would be the point?”

  “Paul seriously makes you come every time you guys have sex?” Kimber couldn’t imagine her sister’s awkward, slightly nebbish fiancé pulling off something Dane fell admittedly far short of.

  “Don’t throw yourself off a bridge or anything, but yeah-it’s like a ninety-five percent success rate.” Ferney paused in front of a cherry-stained wooden shelf where a rainbow of dildos stood proudly erect, a faraway, mysterious smile on her face. “What he does to me-I could never explain it. I’ve never had anyone so attuned to me and my body before. I didn’t even believe such synchronicity existed. But Paul… It’s like he knows me so completely, and I can tell that he’s not satisfied until I’m satisfied, and he’ll do anything to make that happen, which makes the whole thing that much hotter.”

  Kimber listened, stunned. Her sister had just described an experience she thought happened only in people’s idyllic hopes for the best and resembled nothing of her own reality. A knot formed in her throat as panic worked its way through her circulation. What was she doing, living her life and never feeling anything close to that remarkable? Could she actually call it living her life at all?

  Ferney turned to her sister, a look of genuine concern in her eyes. “You really never felt anything like that with Dane?”

  “Of course I have.” Kimber cleared her throat, trying to shake the latest bit of anxiety rising inside her. “Now please-can we stop talking about this?”

  “Fine.” Ferney selected a big, black dildo, complete with a mushroom tip and veins that looked like a highway map. Kimber guesstimated they were about the size of an interstate at that. Ferney held it toward her sister, the dildo wobbling back and forth. “What about this?”

  “If my vagina was the size of a moon crater, maybe. Put the harpoon back.”

  “This dinky thing? Psh. If you think this is big, you should see Paul’s.”

  “Let’s get talking about those boundaries again.” Kimber tried to smile, but her insides twisted. Her relationship with Dane seemed more pointless and frustrating than ever. She was twenty-six years old, fresh from a six-year dating disaster, and horrified to learn that she may have never had an orgasm before. All of a sudden, the clock was ticking. There was a lot of lost time to make up for. Aside from the vibrator, where else would she start?

  * * *

  That night, Kimber tossed and turned, listening to the neighbors bounce between a crime scene investigation show and “The Nanny.” The sound kept her awake and dwelling on the fact that twenty-four hours had passed without hearing from Jay. They’d always carved out time to contact each other at least once a day, even if it was just a text message, but it didn’t look like he was going to be resuming that tradition any time soon. Aside from here and there at the casino, maybe she’d never see him again. After all, if she were him, she wouldn’t exactly be excited to hang out after what had happened. The memory turned her stomach. It was just as bad as what happened with Dane, and she felt totally alone.

  In an effort to improve her mood, Kimber reached for the vibrator her sister bought her earlier: a glitter-flecked My First Vibe in vibrant magenta with multiple speeds. It was five inches long and two inches around, and she eyed it with trepidation. She was on the brink of foreign territory. The thought made her give a bitter laugh. How could she have gone so long without total satisfaction? Earth-shattering orgasms shouldn’t be unfamiliar at her age, and the promise of impending pleasure made her kick off her pajama pants, leaving her nude from the waist down.

  Kimber gave the vibrator’s base a twist and the phallic object buzzed to life. She settled back against her pillow, steepled her knees, and parted her legs. Then she touched the tip of the vibrator to her clit and immediately shuddered at the sensation. This was already amazing. Maybe Ferney really was onto something.

  She closed her eyes and traced her clit and her opening with the vibrator, letting the pleasure ripple through her. She couldn’t help but whimper, and the sound of her own desire turned her on even more. The vibrator teased her entrance and her hips twitched, but she didn’t slide it inside herself. She wanted to savor this.

  Her desire dimmed as her thoughts drifted to Dane. How was this toy already closer to bringing her off than he had ever come? Was that a fair assessment of his skills, considering she was already so jaded toward him? She shook her head. No, she refused to spend her time with My First Vibe thinking of her ex-boyfriend.

  Kimber pressed the vibrator to her clit again as the memory of Jay’s lips on hers sprang unbidden to her mind. She hadn’t granted herself permission to even think of it since it happened, but suddenly she couldn’t think of anything else. In a flash of honesty, she had to admit that although it had been short and sweet, it was easily the best kiss she’d ever had, one she was ashamed to admit she’d felt in her clit. If Jay hadn’t been her oldest and best friend, she could easily picture the situation having escalated.

  A sharp crack against her bedroom wall shocked Kimber from her reverie, and she shrieked, dropping the vibrator and covering her lower half with her unmade sheets. She rocketed to a sitting position and looked around the room, wondering what the hell she would do about being partially naked if a burglar broke in. However, the moans and gasps on the other side of the wall registered in her brain, and she recognized one of the voices as belonging to her new neighbor, Taryn.

  “Oh, fuck yeah, Brad, like that.” Taryn moaned, clear as day through the paper-thin walls. “Fuck… Oh, fuck, yes. Lick my pussy just like that.”

  The neighbors were definitely done watching TV. Kimber’s first instinct was to laugh at the discomfited position she was in, but a more primal need overrode her amused embarrassment. Her clit throbbed in response to the needy, desperate quality in Taryn’s commands, and she lay against her pillow once again, rolling the tip of the vibrator over her now dripping cunt. Her breath came faster as she imagined herself in Taryn’s position with a man’s head between her legs, lapping at her with a talented tongue, hell bent on making her come.

  Another crack sounded, and Kimber placed it as her neighbors’ headboard whacking against the wall from a sudden force. Then came Taryn’s long, drawn-out ooh of pure bliss, and a man’s muffled groan. Kimber could only assume Brad had transitioned from eating Taryn out to sliding his cock inside her, and their vocalized passion confirmed this as Taryn shrieked for him to fuck her harder and the headboard crashed against the wall with a new intensity.

  Kimber mirrored their assumed actions, pushing the vibrator inside her cunt and stifling a moan. She withdrew the toy then pushed it home again, pretending she was the one being fucked with abandon and reaching the sexual ecstasy Ferney had sworn she deserved.

  Taryn and Brad’s moans increased in frequency and volume and Kimber’s hand moved faster as her juices slid along the length of the vibrator to meet her fingers. She couldn’t remember ever being so wet before. She chewed her lip and arched toward the ceiling as her neighbors screamed with pleasure next door; she felt much like doing the same. A powerful sensation crept through her body, like a ribbon of pleasure unfurling toward her clit. Her legs trembled, and she choked on a moan and squeezed her eyes shut as she felt like a firework exploded inside her, sending pleasure zipping through her bloodstream. Kimber shuddered, the muscles in her cunt gripping at the slick vibrator, and a wave of calm fell over her as she went limp, h
er mind and body numb to everything else except what had just happened. My First Vibe resulted in Her First Real Climax.

  She lay there, panting toward the ceiling as the toy still buzzed, wringing the final aftershocks of her orgasm from her. Suddenly, Ferney’s suggestion of a sexual awakening didn’t sound so crazy after all. She couldn’t believe she’d lived without one for so long, and there was no way she was going to let another day go by without seeking the satisfaction she finally knew she deserved.

  Chapter Three

  “Where’s your partner in crime?” asked Alison, Kimber’s petite and busty coworker, as she materialized from the crowd to relieve Kimber from her nightmare of a shift. Too many customers, not enough tips. No one was feeling lucky tonight.

  “I’d rather ask where you were. You’re fifteen minutes late again.”

  “You could ask me that if you want to.” Alison moved like she had all the time in the world, helping herself to a cherry. “I prefer talking about Jay Navarrete though. I miss his sexy ass. Where’s he been?”

  Kimber shrugged, taking off her half-apron and feigning nonchalance. “Around. He’s a busy guy, what with school and work and all.”

  “Yeah, but he always seemed to make time to linger by the bar like a love-sick puppy. You two are usually joined at the hip.” Alison waggled her perfectly sculpted eyebrows, which resembled two delicate strips of black tar. “Maybe even literally. Watch out, I might start some rumors about you two.”

  Kimber rolled her eyes as she balled up her apron and stuffed it beneath the counter. “See you in thirty. Try to stay out of trouble.”

  “I could say the same for you.”

  After clocking out for her break, Kimber rode the escalator to the second floor, where the restaurants and shops awaited. She took a long, deep breath of the oxygen pumping through the casino to keep the risk-takers awake and her stomach twisted. So she wasn’t the only one who’d noticed Jay’s absence during the past few days. It wasn’t just her imagination. She tried to convince herself that his job kept him occupied, and he did have finals this week, but Alison was right-he’d made the effort before. The timing of his absence-hot on the heels of her rejection-also suggested this went beyond him being busy. Her shoulders slumped. She didn’t entirely blame him, but the avoidance still stung.